Ang Hirap Naman...

gumawa ng desisyon kapag wala namang tama at wala namang mali sa mga pinagpipilian mo.

Minsan tuloy mas gusto ko na lang na sa lahat ng bagay may tama at mali. Mas madali kasi iyon. Dahil sa mga ganoong sitwasyon, alam mo na agad kung ano ang DAPAT piliin. Parang nagiging isang default decision na ang piliin kung ano ang tama.

Haaay... Nakausap ko ngayong araw sina Jedyne at Kathleen, dalawa sa mga kaklase ko mula pa noong unang taon ko sa kolehiyo. Magkaiba sila ng pananaw ukol sa bagay na "pinoproblema" ko ngayon ngunit pareho lang sila ng tinanong sa akin...

IKAW, ANO BA TALAGANG GUSTO MO?

Hmmm... Ang simple ng tanong diba? Pero nakakatawa lang na hirap na hirap akong sagutin yan ngayon. O siguro may ayaw lang ako aminin sa sarili ko (gaya nga ng sabi ni Jedyne. O... O... Di ko alam. Sa nahihirapan ako eh, pakialam mo ba...





Biro lang. :)

Hay... Lagi namang di ko alam eh... :(





Oo nga pala...

Ito ang mga bagay na pinag-iisipan ko ngayon... Mga sinabi ng dalawa kong kaibigan.
Ilan sa mga napag-usapan namin... Mga bagay na pulit-ulit na lumilitaw sa aking isipan. Ilalagay ko rito. Baka sakaling kailanganin ko ulit pagtanda ko, kaya gagawin kong paalala.(NOTE: Ilalagay ko ang ilang bahagi para naman may "entertainment". Baka kasi wala rin namang makaintindi nito maliban sa dalawa kong kaibigan na ito, kaya mas mabuti pang tawanan niyo na lang... Para magkaroon ng silbi ang mga ito para sa inyo. )

Jedyne Tejada: oo ganyan din ako no
Jedyne Tejada: pero wala langgggg
Jedyne Tejada: narealize ko kasi
Jedyne Tejada: hindi yun ang gusto ko
Jedyne Tejada: kaya ikaw
Jedyne Tejada: ano ba ang gusto mo
Jedyne Tejada: or pwd ding
Jedyne Tejada: ano ang MAS gusto mo
Hannah: yun nga eh
Hannah: gusto ko ng music
Hannah: HAHAHA
Hannah: ang pangit diba
Hannah: gusto ko ng languages
Hannah: pero hindi english
Hannah: HAHAHA
Hannah: haaaaay
---------------------
Hannah: pakiramdam ko hindi
Hannah: hindi sapat na panghihinayang ang maging dahilan ko para ituloy yun diba?
Hannah: nakakainis lang na hindi pagkatuto naiisip ko lahat ngayon
Hannah: naiisip ko habang kausap kita...
Hannah: ang pagiging kritikal naman puwedeng matutunan sa labas ng classroom
Hannah: tapos kung gusto ko naman sanayin ang sarili ko kung paano magbasa ng napakahabang mga babasahin... madali lang...
Hannah: basahin ko yung buong libro sa finance o kaya sa ls
Hannah: HAHA
Hannah: ano ba yan
Hannah: sorry
Hannah: ang corny
Jedyne Tejada: may libro ka na?! bwahahahah it's over.
Jedyne Tejada: well oo totoo yan
Hannah: wala noh
---------------------------
Hannah: o diba
Hannah: ang t*nga
Hannah: hahaha
Hannah: tinanong pa kita
Hannah: alam ko naman pala mga nararamdaman ko
Hannah: *spanks her mouth* sorry sa word
Hannah: naiinis lang ako pag ganito ako
Hannah: kung meron lang subject na nagtuturo kung paano gumawa ng desisyon, itetake ko yun
Hannah: haaaaaaaaay
Hannah: :(
Hannah: something worthwhile...
Jedyne Tejada: alam moooo
Jedyne Tejada: minsan kelangan mo rn ng kausap
Jedyne Tejada: para marealize mo or para magmaterialize ung mga nararamdaman
Jedyne Tejada: minsan kasi ayaw lang natin aminin sa sarili natin
Jedyne Tejada: pero ikaw
Hannah: ganon?
Jedyne Tejada: malay mo biglang gusto mo pala
Hannah: tama kaaaaa
Hannah: paano ba malalaman kung gusto?
Hannah: AHAHAHA
Hannah: what a question
Jedyne Tejada: well alam mo lang yata
Jedyne Tejada: minsan baka [pagkagising mo
Jedyne Tejada: something like that
Jedyne Tejada: :))
Hannah: hahaha
Jedyne Tejada: seryoso
--------------------------------------------
Hannah: ang hirap ng maraming gusto
--------------------------------------------
Hannah: nyek
Hannah: ano ba
Jedyne Tejada: oo pero the more you hate, the more you love
--------------------------------------------
Jedyne Tejada: o so ano na
Jedyne Tejada: ano nang plano mo
Hannah: na...
Hannah: hindi ko na itutuloy...
Hannah: ?
Hannah: hahaha
Hannah: hayyy
Jedyne Tejada: ipagdasal mo rin sigurooooo
Hannah: oo noh
Hannah: pinagdarasal ko nga
Jedyne Tejada: well wala kang dapat ikahinayang kung di mo talaga gusto
-------------------------------------------
Jedyne Tejada: una sayang pera
pangalawa sayang panahon
pangatlo may pwede ka pang gawing mas mabunga
kaya, palalimin mo pa ang iyong pagmumuni
upang mas bumunga ang karanasan
-----------------------------------------
Jedyne Tejada: rumelax ka muna hannah
baka rn masyado ka nagwoworry
sabi nga ni jope
kelangan naman magrelax
alagaan ang sarili
alagaan ang katawan
dahil tayo mismo ang ating katawan.



Kathleen: minsan talaga, may mga bagay na puwede kang mag-go go go.
May mga bagay na kailangan kang mag-"back-off".
-----------------------------------------
Hannah: Ha? Pakiramdam ko na sa tanong mo na "ano ang law?" may hinahanap kang truth. May GUSTO ka pa rin nun, ibig sabihin.
-----------------------------------------
Kathleen: Isipin mo kung ano talaga ang gusto mo. Ang MAS gusto mo.


MAS gusto... Dasal... Ipagdarasal ko na lang ang lahat nang ito.

Hay... Lord, Kayo na po bahala sa akin.

Salamat muli sa aking mga kaibigan.

Human

Yay! I have my new blog layout. Finally! Thanks to google. LOL. :)

Ahhhh... It has been a very tiring and challenging sem for me.
So many things happened.
Many people laughed.
Many people cried.
Lots of them were born.
Lots of them died (literally :( ).
All of them seem very close to my heart
Or have at least touched my life in one way or another
There were times when I'd feel scared because I don't want certain things to happen to me like it happened to them.
However, there were times too when I'd simply wish I was like them.

*sighs* This is so funny. I'm trying to sound poetic. Hahaha... ENOUGH.
Laaaah... Actually, I just want to express myself without using too many words (Because I don't want to think too much.XD The left (?) side of my brain seems to be working doubly hard that I only see words instead of pictures inside my head). But really... This sem has been a rollercoaster ride. In fact, THIS YEAR has been one, but I'll save that for my year-ender post. Hahaha... I still have approximately 3 months before I get to say hello to year 2009.

Haaay... Life... Sometimes I don't know how to feel about it anymore. There are days when I don't know if I should be happy or sad... bubbly or gloomy... hopeful or pessimistic... Aiyo... I guess I'm just afraid to feel things. STILL afraid to feel things.

But honestly, I think I've grown a lot compared to who I was before. I'm more optimistic and more straight-forward in expressing my feelings. More relaxed and lighthearted.

But not that much... yet... Hahaha...XD I'm still learning.

However, if there's one thing I'm really happy of discovering these past 6 months, I'd say it's my determination. I never thought I'd be able to experience what I am going through right now. They're actually not part of my plans (SO NOT PART OF MY PLANS...), but I guess that's what makes life exciting and meaningful - when things go out of control. They make you strive harder because you're forced to get on your feet and fight. They make you realize your capabilities and limitations. They remind you that you can always do more (hmm... is it really "always"? still thinking about it till now).

Most importantly, they make you feel more human. :D

[This post seems to be "bitin" (Haha, conyo), but I couldn't think of anything else to say. My head's been aching the whole day.XD Nevertheless, I'll post this]

Stubborn

How am I supposed to know my limitations?

When can I say "I cannot"?

Do my failures tell me that I should stop working hard and let things be?

Or do they tell me that I can do more?

Are these botches telling me to surrender?

Or are they telling me to keep on fighting?

If I fight and I do not get what I want, do I still have to keep on pressing on?

Why do I keep on striving even if I do not get whatever it is that I'm working for?

Why can't I stop myself from working?

Why am I so stubborn?

Being stubborn means being unreasonably and obstructively determined to persevere.

Am I being unreasonable now?

I know life isn't just about this.

But I want to do well in this aspect.

I want to do well in everything that I do.

I'm against mediocrity.

Do you know when to stop?

Because I don't.

But maybe there's just one thing lacking now.

FAITH.

Fr. Ben Nebres' (my lola told me they're cousins, but I never had the guts to approach him and tell him I'm his apo) sermon last night was like a huge boulder being thrown at me.

He was talking about Kung Fu Panda and about believing in oneself.

After all that he said, I realized that I should watch Kung Fu Panda.

Kidding.

His sermon served as a reminder for me to believe in myself.

To have faith in myself.

To have faith that I can do things (but what if things aren't going right? HA. SUCH A PESSIMIST).

To have faith that others have faith in me.

To have faith SO THAT others MAY ALSO have faith in me.

TO HAVE FAITH IN GOD.

Then maybe my stubbornness will work.

Then maybe I won't be unreasonable anymore.